Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Still Dirty Words: End of Summer

I have not crossed off a single box on my calendar for the month of August. It has reached that point in the summer where, while much of my brain is trying to prepare for the upcoming semester and life back at University, some semi-conscious part of my brain is trying to sabotage all my efforts by doing things like pretending 10 days is still plenty of time to complete a things-to-do-this-summer list that's as tall as my dad.

"...Artemis was referring to his own mind in the third person, which was a warning sign no matter which head doctor's theories you subscribed to." --Artemis Fowl: The Atlantis Complex by Eoin Colfer

Maybe I do go crazy at this point in the summer. Maybe my Vacation Mind and Work Mind are conflicting as the former is loathe to go to bed and the latter is desperately trying to wake up and suffocate the other. Maybe I am still eight years old and fairly certain that a new lunchbox is no consolation for telling me that my life is on a schedule again.

I do exaggerate. I am also looking forward to the semester starting, if only so this weird anticipation period can end. And so I can clean the apartment. And stop tripping over all the boxes and bags that are accumulating around the house for my brother and me.

My main problem with summer ending isn't really that it's the end of a long, lazy time. It's that at the beginning of summer, I invariably make lists of stuff I intend to do over the Next Few Months, and then I inevitably realize that I have so much Time and so many Tomorrows and can laze around for days watching movies and reading books and going places without feeling guilty. Then I look back and realize, "What have I done!?"

Usually nothing. Wherein lies the problem.

Although, as far as breaks go, this one has been fairly productive, and still has another ten-ish days for productivity to ensue. I could still sew a dress, play my bass, paint a picture of a duck, make a ton of jewelry, write a detailed outline for a novel, paint a dollhouse, crochet an afghan, read the rest of the Bible, learn electrical engineering, and bake a cheesecake.


But I do have much to anticipate this semester, the first semester of my (I hope I hope I hope) last year of college. New classes, new assigned roommates, and a new bathroom rug will help bring it all together. I will not procrastinate on my homework this time around! And I'll surely play my bass guitar all the time, and write tons of stuff, and make my Etsy soar like eagles. And I'll finish reading the Bible and crochet that afghan and I wish Time could stop long enough for me to take a break from existing in it because I could have sworn Summer just started five minutes ago and I did not sign up for this.

And that, dear Reader, is why the words "end of summer" still make me cringe. Oh Freedom, you fleeting thing.

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