Thursday, November 19, 2009

On Trying, Failing, and Remaining Content

So I find that if I have a class that's really hard (like calculus or something), and I put hours into the homework and studying and I do my absolute best on the test and I get a C, I actually find that more satisfying somehow than getting an A for a halfway effort. I feel proud of the work I put into it, and knowing that I did absolutely everything that I could possibly do. When you have done absolutely everything you could have done, and there was not a minute more your could have spent, not a moment where you could have given just a little more...I believe that brings the greatest satisfaction that can come from working.

If I fail this NaNoWriMo, I want to know that I at least stayed up late working on it some nights, that I at least tried...that I didn't fail out of laziness. If I fail my math modeling final, I want to know that I at least studied every hour possible, saw Dr. KV or Arup for office hours to clear up that which I did not understand, tried my best...and cannot look back and say, "Well, maybe if I'd only done more or tried harder I wouldn't be facing this grade."

I want to know that I have nothing to regret.

Unfortunately, it isn't easy to live that way, especially if you enjoy sleep, but it does make it easier to live with yourself after the work is complete.


Valewyn said...

you are very wise for someone so young. what you say holds a lot of truth. it is also...very inspiring.
thank you. :-)

Rae Botsford said...

Thank you very much for your kind words! :-)